Taps

Years ago, when I was in the seventh grade, my grandfather passed away.  I don't clearly remember the service in the funeral home, only to say that there were a lot of people there.  What I do remember clearly are specific parts of the graveside service.  I remember seeing the USAF Honor Guard, hearing the crispness of their 21 gun salute, and listening to the bugler playing Taps.

I am 34 now, almost 35, and to hear Taps played instantly brings emotion out.  Tears well in the eyes, and my heart beats just a little bit faster.

Today was a beautiful day.  The air was clear.  The sky was a perfect blue with only the slightest wisp of white cloud.  The sun warmed the chill of the morning.  It was the perfect Autumn day.

This afternoon, Taps filled the silence of the graveside once again.  Taps called Chris to rest, to sleep until the call comes to wake once again, just as it has many a man or woman that answers the call of service to their country or community.

The solemn notes flowed from the bugle, and through every one of us.  I was instantly reminded of the times I have heard the notes before, and just how often they are played.  No matter how often I hear them, the effect will be the same.  There will be pain, as there is a finality of those notes and phrases to me.  There will also be hope and relief, as I know that those for whom the notes are played are resting deservedly.

As much hope as the familiar notes provide, I hope that it will be some time before I hear them again.

I Can't Find the Title....

I'm not sure that this post fits in with the blog title; but I feel like writing, and I know this post will not fit in with my other blog.

I want to write, but am unsure of the words to put down.  I have felt this way since this morning when I heard the news about the passing of one of my high school classmates, Chris Doyle.

With the Class of '96 having been thrust into the "real world" over sixteen years ago, many lost touch.  It is primarily through social networking sites that I have rekindled, or simply kept up with, old relationships and friends.  I wasn't able to attend our 10 year reunion.  I could not get the time off work.  I knew that I would be able to make the time for our 15th or 20th reunion, and I knew that I would get to see everyone.  How mistaken I was.  And that was the very first thought that hit me like a brick to the face when I saw the news on facebook this morning while at work.

My knees went weak, and after the initial shock, I had to ask why?  Why did this happen?  I knew he had recently rekindled a relationship of his own, and brought in a new baby boy as the baby brother to his little girl.  It is plain to see in the shots of him and his family how much of a loving father he was, and a happy, devoted husband he was to his wife.  I have never met them, but my heart aches for them in the worst way.

I continued to ask myself why.  Why?  I think a lot of us that knew him are asking that, or have asked that question today.  I think we'll continue to ask it into the future.

With such a slap to the face, a rush of memories came along, too.  Playing basketball together in PE...  Sitting together in the back of the band room with Joe and Josh, cutting up, because, let's face it, that is what you do in middle school band.  Entering high school and walking in the door as freshmen, and walking out the door as seniors knowing that we have all the knowledge and tools necessary to take over the world.

We're in our mid-thirties now (really?  MID-thirties??), and I know that the last thing on my mind is looking at death's door.  One thing was made painfully obvious to me this morning.  It doesn't matter whether it is or not.  It is not up to us.

I know that I will not see Chris at the next reunion, and that saddens me.  It saddens me a lot.  What I will have to keep in mind is that we will see one another again.  I do not know when that time will be, only because I know that it is not up to me.

Almost here

Something hit me today as I was scrolling down my facebook news feed today.  The campaign season is nearly over, and just in time for the holiday season to come barreling in full steam ahead.  I'm not ready for that.  I don't know if the rest of you people are.  I know I'm not.  I haven't even started yet.  I don't know when I'm gonna start.  It's going to have to be soon.  I know that, but damn..

I always start the season off a little pessimistically, but that's me.  Eventually, I will warm up to it, start listening to the holiday music (NEVER before Thanksgiving), and get into the holiday spirit.  The weather is going to get cooler, the air crisper and the clothing layers heavier.  And that is just fine by me, although Bailey does not seem to be much of a fan.  I think he's starting to get a little soft.  Maybe a trip to the mountains is in order to toughen him back up.

But this I promise, if I hear Christmas music prior to Thanksgiving, the person playing said music will most definitely be getting the stink eye.

Who figured out paragraph breaks for HTML? This guy! (with a little help)

This is my first attempt at trying to put in paragraph breaks in HTML, since this is the only way that I can compose a blog entry on my ipad. Let's hope this works!

Did it work? I guess there is only one way to find out!

Thank you, Sam, for the heads up on how to insert paragraph breaks in HTML. One of these days I will get the hang of this computery stuff, but I doubt seriously if I will ever get the hang of Excel.

On Stop Lights (I thought I could hold out, but I was wrong)

Okay...stop lights.  I hate them.  I hate them with every fiber of my being.  Nothing, and I mean nothing, makes me more angry than having to stop when I am trying to get somewhere.  Well, being late makes me pretty angry, and sometimes stop lights have a way of bringing me closer and closer to that threshold that separates being early and being late.

What really makes my blood boil, my face turn red and colorful vocabulary escape my lips is when I catch a red light and see nothing coming the other way.  Literally nothing.  Well nothing more than a car making a right turn, but they can do that on a red though, right?

I hate it when there are two left-turn lanes and I'm in the line in the one to the right.  And when we make the turn after the light turns green, three cars in front of me immediately switch over to the left hand lane after the turn is made.  Do these chuckleheads not comprehend the purpose of having dual left turn lanes??  It boggles my mind, and I shit you not, I see it daily.  Simple concept.  If you need to be in the left lane, then use the turn lane farthest to the left.  If you need to be in the right lane, use the lane farthest to the right.  It is not difficult, people.  I promise you, it isn't!  But then again, around here people do not understand the concept of the fast lane either, but I digress.

I hate it when stop lights are on timers that don't need to be on timers.  What's wrong with the sensors?  Why do I have to continue to sit at a light picking my nose so that the light can stay green for the other guy that is coming the other way, but is half a mile away from the intersection?  I'm sitting there having a coronary while dipshit is poking up the road, knowing that he's going to have plenty of time to make his light.

Part of me has come to accept that if there is a disadvantageous red light to be caught, I am going to catch it.  It is true, and my girlfriend has noted this skill I have developed with humor in her voice.  So sometimes I resign myself to it, knowing that it is inevitable. Other times you would swear that Attila the Hun was sitting next to you in a silver Toyota Corolla.

Most of the time I am a patient and reasonable individual.  I can be understanding, kind and thoughtful in conversation, ready to lend any advice that may help in a given situation.  That all goes away when I'm in the driver's seat.  I become full of scorn and contempt for any fellow human being that is oblivious to what is happening around them, and that just happens to be the majority of people on the road today.  Well...really just skip that part.  If I am behind the wheel and you are on the road in another car other than mine, you are my enemy.

Oh and one more thing from Patrick's Driving School...under no circumstances is it okay to hit your brakes before giving your turn signal.  Ever.

Here endeth the lesson.

Aimlessly finding my way to the bookstore

It doesn't take much to get my mind wandering.  Sometimes just a word will do it, depending on my mood or what I am doing at the time the word comes up.  Usually, if it's quiet, my mind starts to wander.  It always has.

I'm not sure why I'm writing.  I just feel like I should.  I haven't written anything here in a little bit, and I'm sure you're all biting at the bit to see what kind of shtuff I'm going to talk about.  I went into town earlier this evening and got caught at a stoplight.  One light that ALWAYS catches me and therefore makes my blood boil and my vision go instantly red.  I thought I would write about my hatred of stop lights, especially the red ones, but I'll save that trinket for another day.

Here's something interesting.  Did you know that there is not a single bookstore, that is not a Christian one, within a 25 minute drive of my house?  Seriously.  If I want to buy a book, or just peruse the shelves for new material, or even old material, I have to drive 30 to 40 minutes to the nearest Barnes & Noble.  There are three Super Duper Amazing Magnificent Walmarts within 15 minutes of my house, but a bookstore?  Negative.

Some say get over it, get a Kindle or read books on your ipad.  To that I say, no, I will not get over it.  You see, I prefer to be able to turn the pages of my book when reading it.  I prefer to be able to see what kind of progress I'm making as I see the bookmark move ever so slowly through the pages from the front to the back.  I like to be able to flip to the index, find a particular subject, and go right to it in a flash if I'm trying to find information.

Others say just use Amazon, and sometimes I do.  But only when I want a book that I cannot find at the bookstore.  I used to use Amazon pretty often when I was in school, simply because it was much cheaper buying my books in bulk that way and when you're reading anywhere between 15-20 books a semester, saving that money is pretty crucial.

And, not that it's a huge deal (this is about the small shtuff), but there isn't a coffee shop within reasonable driving distance either.  Sure, I have my coffee at home, but sometimes you want something more than the dripped goodness of the at home coffee maker.  So, often times, when I want to go to the bookstore, I often make a trip to the coffee shop and enjoy something delicious.

Maybe it's a good thing that the bookstore is 40 minutes from here as I look at the piles of books on and under my nightstand and the books overflowing the little bookcase that I have in my bedroom, along with the books stacked on the floor next to my bookcase.  Or better yet, maybe it's time to buy a new bookcase?  They do say that the third time is a charm and the two that I have could use another book storing friend.

Anyway, I guess it's about time to close the computer up and do a little reading before my eyelids get too heavy.  If you guys have any quips, gripes or other shtuff to talk about, leave a comment and we'll all see what kind of shtuff makes the world go round.

It Started With No Title, So I'll Keep It That Way

I haven't titled this post prior to starting it, because I do not know where it will go.  Sometimes, I just feel like writing with no real point to be made.  There is something theraputic about feeling the fingers move over the keyboard, pressing keys one after the other as the words just pop into my head.  And sometimes it's better to write, just so the words have somewhere to go, other than round and round my brain. 

I wrote a post the other day and said something to the effect of our purpose is to live.  Something like that anyway.  I've been at work this weekend, and it's been pretty slow here so I've had plenty of time to think.  And if you know me, when I have time to think, that's usually what I'm going to do.  And I've had a thought...just came to me before I started this paragraph.  Honestly.  That's what happens when the thoughts go around and around...like the prize wheel, no one knows where they will stop, or what the prize will be.

Here is my thought.  Not only are we here to live, but we're here to love, too.  There is nothing, and I mean nothing, on this earth as powerful as the emotion and feelings that come with love.  The presence of it can be all one needs to keep themselves going, and it can crash down the world of another at the very same time.  With only a look, a twitch of the eyebrow, an exhale of breath, a turn of the corner of the mouth...if the recipient of such seemingly miniscule actions knows of the love that is behind them, then they can make or break a thought or a full day in the blink of an eye. 

Such an amazing thing that love is.  Even with the pain that love can bring, there is something positive that can be taken from it.  A new starting place.  A new beginning.  With love comes empathy and with empathy comes introspection.  I don't do this enough, I don't think.  It usually takes me being called out for doing something or saying something stupid to realize that time has come.  And when I do, it doesn't take long to see the error of my ways.  No other emotion turns the mirror on oneself the way love does. 

Anger and hate are blinding from the truth.  They prevent the ability for someone to take a look at themselves.  Not only that, but it takes your personal struggles and makes them someone else's.  Is that right?  Forget I asked that.  Stupid question.  We all know what the answer is. 

Happiness is one sided, and only takes part in half of the spirit of live we have.  There is always going to be good and bad.  The flip side for happiness is sadness.  Without one, we cannot appreciate the other. 

Love is all encompassing.  It covers the four corners of life, whatever those may be to whomever may be reading this.  It ushers in a whole range of other feelings, thoughts and emotions...hope, happiness, sadness, frustration, anger, appreciation, sullenness, the whole bit. 

Think about it.  The one, or ones, you love do a better job of bringing out all of those emotions better than anyone or anything on earth.  There is nothing that can make a person happier, or sadder, or more frustrated, or down right angry than love.  That is how big it is.  That is how strong it is, and it is because it has this ability that it can overcome anything. 

It doesn't take much to make love flip the switch, but when it does, if you don't like what love is bringing out, the switch can just as easily be flipped back.  It just takes looking at oneself.  What sucks about that is that single thing is the hardest thing for a lot of us to do.

I'm no authority on love, just that I know what it makes me feel.  Although, I'd say the feelings are pretty common and universal, but that's just me.  There are enough books, poetry and other literature written about love, they could fill library upon library, and do.  This is just a snippet of a much larger idea, what I think is the most important idea.

What do you think?